134. Pill Icon
Follow the instructions carefully. Take two pill icons with a glass of water. Beware of side effects.
This drug may cause joint pain, nausea, headaches, or shortness of breath. You may also experience muscle aches, rapid heartbeat, or ringing in the ears. If you feel faint, call your doctor. Do not consume alcohol while taking this pill; likewise, avoid red meat, shellfish, and vegetables. Okay foods: flounder. Under no circumstances eat yak. Men can expect painful urination while sitting, especially if the penis is caught between the toilet seat and the bowl.
-From Side Effects, page 54 of Pure Drivel By Steve Martin.